Today I want to talk about a concept that I learned from reading the work of Dr. Lung a long time ago. I was just getting into psychology, martial arts and the history of warfare when I discovered his books, and a lot of the concepts he taught have stuck with me over the years. In particular, one idea stands out above the rest, and that is the “five warning flags.” This describes the five human weaknesses through the acronym F.L.A.G.S. Which stands for Fear, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sympathy.
Everyone is vulnerable to each of the weakness, however we all have a tendency to be dominated by one or two. Understanding these weaknesses does two important things for us; First it allows us to exert influence over others, and secondly it gives us the self-awareness to protect us from manipulation. Using F.L.A.G.S. as a roadmap it becomes easy to quickly read people. Keeping the acronym in mind lets us know exactly what we need to look for when interacting with others. All we really need to do is pay close attention and determine which of these weaknesses dominates their personality. Once we know what we’re dealing with it is a simple matter of either feeding that weakness until it becomes a major blindspot. On the other hand it is vital we learn our own weaknesses because we can be assured others will be trying to use them against us.
Fear
Fear has been a preferred manipulation tactic in every culture, class and industry for ages. It’s just so easy to control people if you can make them afraid. Fear, like the other F.L.A.G.S. creates a blindspot through which it becomes quite difficult to see. Just turn on the news and it’s hard to go even a few seconds without someone trying to make you feel either fear or anger. Fear is the primary of weapon of news stations because they understand that making viewers afraid will keep them dependent on the media source for comfort and reassurance.
Fear is also a favorite tactic of manipulators in abusive relationships. They know that if their partner is afraid to leave then they probably won’t, no matter how bad it gets. Fear is an emotion that must be faced to be overcome. If someone is using fear against you, the only way to free yourself is to face up to it and teach yourself that you can handle whatever happens. If you are engaged in conflict, you can easily call upon the strategies of long departed masterminds. As Dr. Lung likes to say “from the battlefield to the boardroom, from the barroom to the bedroom.” All strategy is exactly the same. It’s not about the precise details but about the application of certain principles.
Robert Greene talks about the same thing in the 33 Strategies of War. Once you learn the fundamentals you can apply them to any situation.
Planting subtle doubts and insecurities in your opponents will throw them off quite easily. If you can make someone doubt him/herself this gives you an immediate leg up psychologically. This can be done in countless ways, not the least of which is simply showing up with so much confidence that they begin to second guess their own abilities. You don’t always have to go out of your way to sabotage them. Oftentimes you can simply present yourself as such a figure of strength and authority that your image will do the work for you.
Using known fears, doubts and insecurities will get you inside someones head and throw them off their game. At the same time it is vital that you carefully guard your own words and actions to hide your own fears. As well as hiding those fears it is equally important to face them frequently. It is difficult to control someone with fear when they are constantly facing those fears and building their self-confidence as a result. Also start to notice how loss averse people are and this will give you a good head start in the game of power.
Lust
The second flag is “lust,” and this one shouldn’t take too much imagination to utilize. Be honest, who among us hasn’t made some dumb decisions while under the influence of our hormones.
Story of my life.
The sex drive is an incredibly powerful evolutionary force that can quite easily blind us to the bigger picture. When in a lustful state it is rather difficult to utilize our intellectual resources effectively. Every teenager who’s ever had a crush knows this. It is a feeling that can overwhelm us completely and lead us into making stupid choices. Breaking out of a lustful state is not necessarily difficult, but it is hard to get the clarity to realize that you need to break out of it to begin with. All of the warning flags have a way of making us feel like there is nothing else in that moment, and lust is something that most people are never really taught to shake free of.
Because our modern society sees sex as such a taboo thing, lust is typically viewed as something shameful to be hidden. When someone is particularly vulnerable to the effects of lust it can be an awkward conversation that most people will want to avoid. It is easier to look to other way and just hope for the best. It may also be easier to simply criticize those individuals as being promiscuous without giving them any practical guidance. The fact is that the sex drive is a natural urge that serves a practical purpose. When leveraged correctly it can be an incredibly powerful motivator, and when used dishonestly can be the downfall of nearly anyone.
To protect yourself from this weakness requires a lot of self reflection, mental clarity, honesty, willpower and a willingness to be uncomfortable. Sexual frustration can have devastating effects on your entire life, (ah hem, teenagers) so it is best to find a healthy outlet as opposed to trying to repress it (Which almost never works for very long). Everyone is vulnerable to lust, although you will notice that some people are particularly prone to its effects. I used to believe that men were more susceptible, but with experience have learned that this is just not true at all. Women are just as bad if not worse, they just hide it better.
Also remember that you do not have to be the one to create lustful urges in your opponent. Just cause him/her to run across others who will create those feelings without providing any relief. On top of this if you can prevent them from satisfying those urges to begin with you will further frustrate them (think screaming toddler in the next room). While you do this be honest with yourself and do whatever you need to in order to keep a clear head on the battlefield. Don’t get caught up chasing after distractions. I find that the majority of the time people engage in flirtation there is a huge amount of manipulation taking place. Obviously both parties are trying to influence each other, but usually at least one side is being almost totally dishonest. Start to realize this and it becomes clear that risking anything for someone lying to you is a waste of time and energy, and also puts you in a precarious position. It’s just not worth it.
Anger
I almost feel like we don’t even need to talk about anger because it is such an obvious weakness when left unchecked. Those with angry personalities are incredibly easy to manipulate because we can leave even the smallest frustrations in their path and be assured of success. To get under the skin of someone who is prone to anger is not difficult at all, what we really should focus on is getting away with it. The more subtle we can be, and the more indirect the better. When manipulating someone it is always best to do it as indirectly as possible. We don’t want anyone to be able to trace things back to us or we look like the bad guy.
Whether anger is your primary weakness or not, you are still in danger of its effects. Even someone with a healthy amount of self control will have a hard time functioning effectively when they are irritated or enraged. I will share some advice for dealing with anger whether it is a personality flaw or simply an effect of a situation. Recently I struggled with anger although it is not a weakness I have a particular vulnerability to. However I was in a relationship with a narcissist who was an absolute master of manipulation. She was able to get under my skin and send me into a blind rage at the drop of a hat, and of course would punish me with guilt afterwards to get me to agree to whatever she had wanted to begin with. Now, when I teach these skills and how to exert your influence in the world, this is not what I want you to do. I talk about things like this so you can protect yourself, but I always discourage you from intentionally hurting people. The fact is that the people who look for content like this typically are the former victims of oppressive personalities and want to even the odds. The true manipulators don’t need to learn how to do this from books and podcasts because it’s something they do naturally. So let me just put it out there that using this knowledge to outsmart the truly deceptive people in this world is great, but don’t turn into them. They are already doomed by playing a zero sum game and you don’t want to end up like that. However you are obligated to play the game of life and society whether you like it or not, so let’s continue.
In this relationship I had to learn to control my anger and the way I did it was by turning to the ancient philosophers. I’m going to share the quotes I would reference every chance I got, which gave me the framework to build a much more solid foundation for my character.
I begin to speak only when I’m certain what I’ll say isn’t better left unsaid
Cato
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves
Victor Frankl
The greatest remedy for anger is delay,
Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life
Seneca
You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do, say, and think
Marcus Aurelius
Of course once I began following these philosophers, I became much more difficult to control and manipulate. Naturally I didn’t see it that way at the time, so I was surprised when this actually induced a certain amount of rage in the person trying to manipulate me. At some point I realized another truth about anger, however. It is a natural emotion that is there for a reason. While an uncontrolled temper is a sure way to quickly screw up your life, the presence of anger is something that should not be ignored. If those around you are ok upsetting you that’s a problem. If your situation persistently makes you angry, that’s a sign you need to pay close attention to!
Don’t ever let anger take the reins or you’ll soon be riding shotgun with the devil. But it’s also important to remember that anger is a natural motivator. It gives you the energy to get up and make changes. If you feel it then it very well may be time to make some hard decisions and get your life together. Don’t repress rage and let it burn you alive because it will. Forcing it down will only cause it to come back up in ugly ways after it sits and stews in our unconscious. Learn to integrate your anger without giving it any control. It is a terrible master.
Greed
If you’ve ever seen The Wolf of Wall Street, you know that “greed is good.” However it is also one of the seven deadly sins, and warning flags for a reason. Greed is a blind spot in human nature that can easily become highly disruptive. Sometimes people label high performers as “greedy” as a way to tear them down. This allows the accuser to avoid responsibility for his/her lack of financial success by placing the blame on those corporate fat-cat bastards. We’re going to be looking at greed for what it really is though, and learn how to protect ourselves from it and utilize its presence in others.
You can leverage greed quite easily by inciting someone to act ferociously towards others. Get them so focused on what they want that they will begin to overlook the feelings of the other humans in their environment. Remember not to confuse a strong work ethic with greed. While ambition can become a blind spot, the character of the individual is important to understand. Someone with a strong sense of empathy who strives for success without seeing others as mere stepping stones will be harder to spin out of control. It is the ones who value material gains over all else who you need to look out for. This need to have “more” comes from a sense of internal lack, and greedy people tend to be disconnected from others. This will not be too difficult to spot in some cases, but oftentimes the worst greed manifests in sociopathic/narcissistic personality disorders. These individuals are extremely deceptive and are absolute masters of manipulation. These are the people who don’t need to listen to content like this because they’ve been living it every day of their lives. They are charming and hide their greed behind fake friendship, but at their core they don’t care for anyone beyond the value they hold. People tend to avoid the types who are obviously greedy to begin with, the ones who hide it however can get you into real trouble. They only want to get what they want and will not hesitate to use others if they think they can get away with it. The good news is that while it can be difficult to flush these individuals out there are some things you can look out for. Identifying these warning signs is outside the scope of this episode but it is something I’ll cover soon. As a key point just remember that if you pay close attention these people will always slip up and show the chinks in their armor. Don’t become too infatuated with anyone, lest it becomes difficult to see them objectively. Take a step back and look at things from an outside perspective as often as possible.
Once you understand that someone is prone to greed, lean into it. Push them into overextending their reach with the promise of more, or lure them into a trap with a glittery bait. They usually have a sense of entitlement, so leverage that and push them into becoming raging tyrants who no one will continue to tolerate.
At the same time keep your own avarice in check. Learn good financial habits that will make you feel secure and less desperate. Practice living simply from time to time to remind yourself of how little you truly need. Take time everyday to be grateful for what you already have. A healthy ambition is something that will get you far in life but greed is an ugly monster that will eat you alive from the inside out. Never get so fixated on what you want that you can’t appreciate what you already have. Also be careful not to make the mistake of valuing money over people. In the long run this never works as money comes and goes, but people have exceptional memories for those who have wronged them.
Sympathy
The last of the warning flags is sympathy. When I first read that sympathy was a weakness I was a little confused. It didn’t really process for me that others played on the sympathy of others, or that feeling for others was anything other than the mark of a good person. Of course many years later I realized that this confusion was the result of a blind spot on my part. This mental resistance was because sympathy is in fact my dominant weakness. If any of these warning flags have created any psychological friction or discomfort, I invite you to take a closer look at them because that is likely your biggest opportunity for growth.
Those of us unfortunate enough to care about others really have to exercise just as much self-discipline as anyone else. We have to learn to set (and adhere to) boundaries, cut off parasites, and identify the signs of manipulative people. Typically those with a strong sense of sympathy will want to see the best in others, even if those others are actively taking advantage of them. This quality is not necessarily a bad thing if the person has the wisdom to protect themselves from the reality of life, but this is rarely the case. Playing on the sympathetic personality is fairly easy, so long as you can make yourself look vulnerable and make them believe that all you want is a fair shot at personal growth.
If you do happen to have this weakness I’ll tell you right now that you had better get to work on yourself before someone else gets to work on you. Believe it or not this world is full of wolves in sheep’s clothing who will be actively seeking out people like you for victims. You will probably have to learn the hard way unfortunately, but hopefully I can at least give you some pointers. Everyone with a normal emotional capacity is vulnerable to the effects of sympathy, and therefore must learn to protect themselves as they would from anger or greed. The best way to do this is to have the self-respect to set clear boundaries, and to cut off anyone who crosses them. You’ll notice quickly that the manipulative people are the ones who get mad at you for doing this. Anyone who truly cares for you will honor your decisions, while those using you will take things personally and accuse you of being cruel.
It takes time but eventually through practice you’ll learn to distinguish the two, and will live in peace.
Conclusion
The five warning flags are an excellent cheat sheet to use when interacting with the other humans. They are simple and effective, and are guidelines that I’ve been using for over a decade now. Take notice of any strong feelings that comes up in social settings. Most people never become conscious of their emotions and are therefore controlled by them. The goal is not to become a robot with no feelings, but rather to simply no longer be a slave to your unconscious. Start identifying the people closest to you by their primary weakness, then start learning to notice them in everyone you come across. It definitely takes work but it will leave you with a much deeper understanding of the world.
My goal is not to teach you to use and manipulate others, but the reality is that if you don’t understand these things they will be used against you. Like it or not, life is a game and you can’t win if you refuse to learn and play by the rules. Take it step by step and let me now how it goes.
Good luck.
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